break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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