This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
