i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
