I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Little spoons don't ask big questions
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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