i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
