Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
