It's like God shit irony all over that family
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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