chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
