I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
