I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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