there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
