that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
