he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
