im six kinds of drunk right now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
