i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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