something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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