Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
