Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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