He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
