Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
