I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize