I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
