why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
