he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
