I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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