He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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