You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
