I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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