I wanna bring you to show and tell
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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