Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
