I was born with a shot glass in my hand
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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