i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
