Already got asked if we're dating
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
