Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize