that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
