Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
whose parrot is this?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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