im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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