if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize