omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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