last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize