I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize