if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
