Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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