First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
