i think my mom watched the whole time
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
