so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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