He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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