He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize