R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
