Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
