i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
