you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Me too!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
