just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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