go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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