Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
