I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
