hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
