i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
