I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
