Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
