i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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