If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
