I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
